


Hey Mister, She's My Sister

by futureplans



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:45:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3687594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futureplans/pseuds/futureplans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa are step-sisters and they kind of hate each other but they also kind of want to date each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Her nerdy, annoying, meddlesome step-sister

Lexa Kane. Lexa fricking Kane. After all these years, the name alone was enough to set Clarke's teeth on edge. And when she turned the corner and saw some girl making flashy eyes at Finn, her Finn, she was pretty damn angry, but not at all surprised to find out that it was Lexa. Fricking. Kane.

Again.

The drive home was tense and silent.Her mother took one quick look at her, arms crossed and glaring furiously through the window, and knew something was wrong.

“Honey, is this about Lexa taking the passenger seat? It was her turn, we've discussed it”

“No, it's fine” She didn't say it like it was fine at all and it only took about a second for her to speak up again “Lexa always takes everything I want, I'm used to it”

In the seat in front of her, Lexa's scowl deepened. Clarke could see it in the rearview mirror and it bugged her to no end. She took satisfaction in pushing her knees into the back of Lexa's seat and watching her move uncomfortably.

“I'm sensing it's not just the seat”

“She stole my boyfriend!”

Her mother tried to speak without being interrupted for once, but this time it was Lexa that cut in, with a flat voice. The one she used when she was convinced she was oh so smart and nobody else got it.

“He's not your boyfriend”

“He would be, we love each other”

“If he loves you so much, why did he try to grab my-”

“Eww, I don't want to hear that! Mom!”

Lexa frowned at Clarke's gagging noises and her eyes dropped. She was probably picking at the sleeves of her sweater, it was one of her stupid shy habits. When she spoke, it was sullen.

“You wouldn't even like him if I hadn't told him about you. He was going to take you to the football game, the big lug. I told him what to say, what you like”

“And then you went ahead and kissed him? You're worse than that big-nosed loser you love so much. At least he didn't try to steal his friend's girl”

“Cyrano is not a loser!” Lexa looked like she might cry. She always got so agitated when Clarke criticized that stupid play, which is why she did it as often as she could.

“He was in love with his cousin! And he didn't say anything for 12 years even though she loved him back and he knew it. That's a loser in my book”

“Girls, that's enough. Both of you. We'll talk about this when we get home. And we'll talk calmly”

Both girls nodded tightly and stared out their respective windows.

…

It had been 5 years since they'd first met. Clarke was 11 years old and she wore her hair up in a ponytail. Lexa was already 12 and she was in a flowery summer dress. Their parents sat inside, trying to watch without being too obvious. They'd been planning this for months and the best they could come up with was putting them together and running away. Clarke sighed a very theatrical sigh and turned to the older girl.

“I guess my mom's dating your dad. Do you think they'll get married?”

Lexa scowled and pushed her sandals into the grass. “He's not my real dad, I'm adopted. And I don't care if they get married"

Clarke couldn't even imagine that. Ever since she'd first met Marcus, she had been daydreaming about being a flower girl in a pretty pink dress. It'd be her first wedding too. Maybe Lexa was mad because they couldn't both be flower girls. Or could they? Clarke was considering this essential question when Lexa spoke again.

“This is stupid”

This frowny girl sitting on her swingset was being no fun at all.

“Well, do you want to play something? Like hide and seek” Lexa kicked at the ground and looked up at Clarke with angry eyes. Her voice was thinner when she continued “Or... I have the new Sims expansion pack”

“I want to go home”

Clarke could feel tears stinging her eyes. Lexa was being mean and she didn't understand why, because she was so excited to get a bigger family and hopefully a sister that she could be best friends with, so why was Lexa so mad?

“I could push you on the swing”

“No offense Clarke, but I don't want to be friends with a little kid. And Marcus can date your mom all he likes, it won't ever make me like you” The words cut into Clarke. Lexa might only be a few months older, but she was 12 and Clarke was only 11, so she really was just a kid compared to her. But it hurt that Lexa would use that against her.

“I may be a little kid, but at least I'm not mean like you! I wish I'd never met you and your stupid ugly face”

She ran inside, trying her best to stop crying. Marcus stepped out and her mother hugged her gently, wiping away her tears. Later, she explained to her that Lexa had always lived alone with her father, who was indeed her real father, no matter what she might say, and that she might not be as excited as Clarke to share him. They just needed to give Lexa some space, and she'd be sure to come around. Clarke nodded solemnly and vowed to apologize for calling her face ugly when it wasn't ugly at all and she had very nice curly hair too.

It was a few weeks before she met Lexa again and by then she'd forgotten all about her apology.

…

Spoiler alert, Lexa didn't come around. Not for months. On the contrary, it was Clarke who eventually changed her tune and came to agree with Lexa on nothing but one particular fact: their parents getting together was the worst thing that could have happened to her.

It was almost funny how naively her mother suggested that they share a room, when Marcus eventually moved in. Well, not quite suggested. If they had been allowed to weigh in on the original decision, the entire process would have come to its conclusion a lot faster. As it was, Clarke had to endure a whole summer of hell before Marcus and Abby caved.

Lexa read. A lot. During the day, it was fine. The perfect excuse so their parents wouldn't make them play together. But at night, she drove Clarke up the walls. She would sit on her bed and read for hours and she wouldn't turn the lights off. Clarke tossed and turned, her covers pulled all the way over her head, but even when she managed to block out the light, she could still hear Lexa's infuriating little gasps and sighs and a little knot of frustration formed just below her throat and grew and grew. Finally, she would get up in a huff, grab Lexa's book off her hands, and shove it under her own pillow. Lexa would just roll her eyes, like she was so unreasonable, and it made her even angrier.

Especially considering everything she did made Lexa roll her eyes.

Whenever she called her friends on the phone, Lexa would pull her eyes up from the page and watch her lazily. As soon as she giggled, or made some joke, or started curling her hair around her finger, there was the eyeroll.

Sometimes she'd play on the computer and make a big happy family with lots of children who got married in big fancy weddings and were sent off to make new happy families of their own. She'd get so excited when they walked down the aisle that she bounced on her seat and clapped her hands. But whenever the screen went dark she'd see Lexa's face reflected on it and there it was. The eyeroll.

She finally snapped and cut a phone call short when Lexa sighed so loudly the person on the other side heard it.

“What is your problem? Why do you make fun of everything I do?”

“I do not. Just the stupid stuff”

“And what's so stupid about talking on the phone?”

“It's that giggle. It's the fake laugh you make when people say something dumb but you want them to like you so you laugh anyway. And you make it all the time. It's sad”

“It's not sad to want people to like me. Not everybody is okay with being a super nerd who only ever talks to books. At least I have friends, so who's really sad?”

“Who cares about having friends if they just talk about dumb stuff?”

“They talk about lots of stuff! And we help each other and hang out together and we go on bike rides and Harper's mom drove us all to the beach the other day”

“Do you ever show them your drawings?” Lexa had been reading on her bed but now she pulled something from behind her and it was Clarke's sketchbook, that her mom had bought for her special.

Clarke tensed up and balled her fists. Her drawings were her secret and Lexa only knew about them because she was in their room all the time because she didn't have anything better to do because she was a friendless loser.

If her friends knew about them they'd laugh and then she'd probably cry and they'd call her Crybaby all year. Not that they were bad friends. It was just what you did. She'd probably do the same if the roles were reversed.

“You give me that right now”

“I'm just saying, if they were really your friends you wouldn't mind showing them” Lexa shrugged and Clarke lunged at her.

That's when the shouting started. By the time Marcus made his way upstairs, both girls were crying. Lexa nursed a large red hand-shaped mark on her cheek and Clarke stood surrounded by crumpled balls of paper, pulling the last few pages off her sketchbook spitefully.

After that, they each got their own room.

…

It all started on Valentine’s Day, when Bellamy Blake gave Lexa a card. Sure it didn’t mean anything, he was a full 5 years older than them and only gave them the time of day because of Octavia. But he gave Lexa the card and Clarke only got a smile and this was definitely new. Clarke was the cheery one, the one in the spotlight, always. Lexa might be pretty but she only ever sat in the back of the class and read her books. Nobody paid attention to her.

Which was why Clarke was so surprised when she found her leaning against her locker, Costia’s hands on her waist, and there was no eyerolling, no scowling, just Lexa looking up at her, sickly sweet. So she was surprised, the kind of surprise where her heart thuds against her ribs just a little bit because really, who would have thought?

And maybe it wasn’t the best decision she’d ever made, and it started a pretty unfair competition where Clarke was the only one with anything to lose. But Lexa had stolen Bellamy from her and she felt a strange mix of triumph and shame from kissing Costia. And that started a pretty unfair competition because Clarke was really the only one who dated after that.

And it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to apologize. But when she got home, Lexa was just sitting on the couch, watching some documentary with a bowl of popcorn. No tears, no nothing. And she knew Lexa hated documentaries but it was easier to believe that everything was fine because she didn’t really want to deal with what she’d done and how it kind of made her a horrible person. So she acted like she didn’t notice and just sat down next to her, made some comment about how Costia mustn’t be that great if she’d just kissed her like that.

Sometimes she thought that her stubborn 13-year old self should have just apologized. They wouldn’t be best friends or anything but at least she’d be able to have a relationship that lasted more than a couple of days.

…

Fast forward to 16-year old Clarke glowering in the back seat of her mother's car and a 17-year old Lexa sitting in the front, picking at the sleeves of her sweater.

Lexa ran up to her room as soon as she got home and Clarke didn't really feel like having a civil conversation mediated by her mother, so she didn't pursue. Instead, she waited until after dinner, when her parents were curled up in front of a movie, to knock at her door before letting herself in.

“Did you know that the word atom actually means indivisible? The Greeks used it to define the smallest particles that made up all matter, but now we know that atoms are made of smaller particles like protons and neutrons, so we should really think about changing the name”

Lexa had this new thing where she spouted random facts whenever someone walked into her room. Probably to get them to leave. It usually worked with Clarke, but tonight she was on a mission.

“God, no wonder the boys are all over you” The mission didn't involve insulting Lexa, quite the opposite, but it was practically muscle memory by now. Lexa just shrugged, not even bothering to look up from her desk.

She couldn't stop now. If she ever wanted to go on a second date, she would just have to pull through. Deep breaths. She sat on Lexa's bed and tried to catch her eye by clearing her throat with increasing intensity.

“Did you want something?”

“Would you please go out with someone?” The look on Lexa's face was actually priceless. The perfect mix of shock and confusion, and even better, she had been struck silent. “So I can actually date in peace. No more stealing boyfriends and girlfriends, just... You get yours and I get mine, then everybody's happy”

“I don't want to go out with anyone” Not this again. Clarke was about to start an inspirational speech about how Costia had been 4 years ago and it was really about time to move on, when Lexa continued. “And I'm not stealing anyone. They could choose not to kiss me”

“Okay, but you're going for them before we're even serious, and really, who's going to reject a girl that looks like you?” Lexa blushed at that, like she didn't know that she looked gorgeous in a weird, doe-eyed yet confident kind of way. Then she looked down and out came the doe eyes.

“Costia did” There it was. Not 5 minutes into the conversation. The girl seriously needed to learn how to move on.

“Well, you were 13. A lot's changed, you've changed. And you know, you've... grown” Now Clarke was blushing as she considered the particular places where Lexa had grown. She coughed slightly, trying to clear the air, but suddenly neither of them was speaking. She was about to get up and leave, silently cursing herself for letting the conversation take such a weird turn, when Lexa spoke up.

“Do you still draw?”

“What do you care?”

“They were nice. And it was something just for you. I hope you didn't stop”

Deep breaths were no longer enough because where did she get the nerve bringing up the most embarrassing episode of their lives together? Clarke still tossed and turned in bed sometimes thinking about it. How she'd cried like a little kid and destroyed one of her most prized possessions. Her mother had picked up all the pages and pressed them but most had been ripped in half anyway. Those she threw in the trash herself.

“I slapped you then and I will slap you now if you don't stop talking about this” But Lexa's face was defiant and she couldn't let her say another word “And you know, this thing with breaking up all my relationships is just like with my drawings. You act like everybody has to be perfect, and if they're not then they're just not worth it, but that's not how it works. Everybody screws up, some way or another, and if you keep holding out for someone who will never stray and never laugh when they shouldn't and never leave you hanging, not once, then you're just going to die alone, because there's no one like that”

Clarke stopped to catch her breath. She saw Lexa's jaw clench and her throat work as she swallowed hard. Then she was up and advancing on her and Clarke suddenly felt trapped and very out of place in Lexa's bed.

“You're right. Nobody's perfect. So why do you keep acting like your friends are, like your boyfriend is, like you are?” Lexa looked down at her with dark eyes. “Finn kissed me because you didn't give him the time of day. So how about for once you think about what you really want, and not just what will make you look good? And don't you blame this on me”

Her heart was ramming against her chest and her hands were balled up in Lexa's sheets and she might be terrified but also her mind kept pulling her back to all the ways in which Lexa had grown and it all felt really inappropriate.

Still, she was Clarke Griffin and not one to back down under any circumstances, especially when it came to Lexa Kane. So she shot up, which made her feel just a little dizzy, maybe from the speed, maybe from the now microscopic distance between her face and Lexa's - who knew, really? - and tried her best to think of something to say or do beside stare at her step-sister's lips.

In the end, no words were needed, because Lexa was blushing and backing away quickly before turning to sit back at her desk. It seemed to Clarke that her voice was just a little shaky when she spoke.

“Get out of my room”

Later, safely tucked into her own bed, she looked back on the day and everything seemed pretty clear then. She should just stop dating because she wasn't invested, hadn't been for a while. And maybe she should start being a little nicer to Lexa.

Because it seemed that what Clarke really wanted was to take her nerdy, annoying, meddlesome step-sister, pin her to a bed and do a lot of highly inappropriate things to her. Nobody's perfect.


	2. A beautiful angel dropped into Earth by a benevolent God

Lexa felt like she'd been bodyswapped with someone Clarke actually liked. She wasn't sure when the mutation had taken place, but the first time she noticed it was when she forgot her lunch at home, a few days after their weird fight.

This was a pretty common occurrence and Clarke usually just brought it with her to drop into Lexa's locker, because of course she had the combination and honestly it was the least she could do since she used it all the time to store whatever crap she couldn't fit into hers. So Lexa didn't even think about it until it was lunch time and she realized her lunch wasn't there.

She was sitting at a table, cursing her luck and counting her quarters, when a paper bag was dropped in front of her with an unceremonious “You forgot it again, doofus”

And then Clarke was dropping down at her side and unpacking her own lunch. Lexa watched incredulously as she took a bite of her sandwich without looking at her. A few tables over sat Octavia and the look on her face wasn't any less surprised. Lexa was pretty sure that if Clarke hadn’t been at the top of the social hierarchy her reputation would already be in free fall.

“Uh, Clarke? Octavia's over there, if you were...” Looking for her? Lost? Completely out of your mind?

“Oh, right, of course” Then Clarke turned around in her seat and called Octavia over. And suddenly Lexa was having lunch with Clarke Griffin and Octavia Blake, and the only person in the entire cafeteria who didn't look like this was the first sign of the apocalypse was the girl currently asking her if she was going to eat anything or what.

Lexa pulled her salad out of the bag and shoveled it into her mouth quickly, hoping to make a rapid escape into a world that made sense, but she had to stop when Clarke asked about her morning and she almost choked.

“I had class. You were there” Clarke sat in the front row and Lexa took the back, where she could doodle flowers and pay only peripheral attention without any comments from the teachers, so maybe Clarke had forgotten that they actually shared classes. Lexa wouldn't put it past her.

“What about your Physics class? How was that?” Or maybe Clarke actually knew Lexa's entire schedule, which was frankly a little scary. Lexa looked helplessly at Octavia, but she was just staring at Clarke and looking lost.

“We talked about torque”

“Ooh, what’s that?”

This was just surreal. Lexa pinched herself, in case she might be dreaming, but no such luck. There was really only one reason for this to be happening.

“Is this a prank?” Octavia sat up at that, looking a little hopeful, but Clarke just seemed somewhere between offended and embarrassed “Why are you acting so weird?”

“I’m not! That toque thing sounds really interesting”

“It’s torque. A toque is a Canadian hat” Then she thought of another possibility, even worse than a prank. “Did Marcus make you sit with me?”

Clarke's face showed she was getting closer to the offended side of the scale. “I'm just trying to be nice, is that so hard to believe?”

Yes. Lexa searched for a more polite way to put it, but the look on her face must have been answer enough because the delicate balance in Clarke’s expression finally toppled and she looked in turns confused, frustrated and annoyed. Then she turned furiously red and got up in a huff. “Well never mind then. I’m out of here”

Octavia followed close behind. Lexa shot her a look that she hoped conveyed her confusion, but it was dismissed without a second glance. Clarke was no longer interested so neither was Octavia, she guessed. And the girl did have a reputation to think of.

…

So that might have been Clarke’s crowning moment of weird, but it certainly wasn’t the last. She didn’t sit with Lexa at lunch again, although she did stop completely ignoring her at school, even going so far as to greet her when they crossed each other in the hall. But it was at home that the biggest changes took place.

First of all, she started smiling a lot. Like genuinely smiling at Lexa without following up with some random favor involving homework or chores or covering for her. And speaking of ulterior motives, she also started complimenting Lexa’s outfits and not just when she wanted to steal them. Though she kept stealing them on occasion.

There were also the smiley faces. Clarke punctuated all her texts to her friends with little smiley faces, but Lexa had always been exempt from the treatment. Recently, though, her phone kept buzzing with “Mom wants u downstairs :)” and “Ur calc book is in my locker :)” and “Marcus asks which pizza 4 dinner :)”. She’d wonder if it was the wrong number if the texts weren’t obviously for her.

And of course there was that dinner. Clarke had just passed her the salt, with a dazzling smile, naturally, when Abby said something about a production of Cyrano in the local theater. Then Marcus made some neutral remark that Lexa couldn’t even remember because she was focused on Clarke, who was about to make some acidic comment surely.

“Sounds like fun” All heads turned to Clarke. Lexa was pretty sure Marcus had choked on his drink a little bit.

“Fun? You hate that play”

“Well, I actually read it and it wasn’t that bad. Like, some people might say that he was stupid to think nobody would love him over a big nose. But maybe it’s a metaphor?” She wasn’t sure where this was going but she had a feeling that Clarke didn’t know either. “And… he was honoring Christian’s memory by not saying anything. And being miserable. And Roxanne being miserable for 12 whole years. Ok, so I didn’t really get that part, that was totally avoidable. But it’s still fun, I guess”

There were a few moments of dumbfounded silence. Then Abby said they’d buy tickets and Marcus launched into an anecdote about his students while Clarke stabbed her dinner.

And the thing was, it was actually sweet. Clarke had read her favorite play and while it was clear that she kind of hated it, she had really tried to be nice about it. And everything else, the smiles and the compliments, they were sweet too. Which made Lexa even more suspicious. She had been racking her brain for weeks, but she couldn’t figure out what Clarke’s angle could possibly be. What could Clarke hope to get from her?

…

That answer came a few days later. It was a beautiful day, cloudless and warm, so Lexa decided to step into the backyard in her bikini and catch some sunlight. She settled into a lounge chair and opened up her Calculus book in a very flimsy attempt at studying, since she was well aware that she would be asleep under it in no time.

She had been snoozing for what she hoped were only a few minutes when she opened her eyes and there was Clarke, sitting in her own chair with a book in her hands. She was wearing sunglasses so Lexa couldn’t be sure, but after a few minutes Clarke seemed no closer to changing the page, so she must be asleep.

Lexa pulled the textbook off her chest and straightened up, determined to give studying another shot. Clarke coughed, sounding like she’d choked on her own spit. Then she flipped the page.

Suspicious.

Lexa suddenly remembered something Clarke had said about how she’d grown. And it was probably a long shot but it was the only lead she had. So she raised her arms above her head, arched her back and stretched her body, complete with a little moan of pleasure.

Clarke’s face turned scarlet. Then she got up, leaving the book behind, and moved toward her and everything was turning out exactly like one of Lexa’s fantasies until she swerved and went inside instead, leaving Lexa alone with her thoughts.

It was all so simple, this sudden change that had Clarke acting so nice and attentive. And she probably didn’t even notice it. She must have become subconsciously drawn to Lexa and now she was trying to ingratiate herself without even understanding why. It explained the clumsiness of the attempts and why she seemed so frustrated at Lexa’s confusion.

So she finally had what she’d wanted for years and now all she had to do was get Clarke to realize what she was feeling. Easy.

…

Costia was a really cool older girl and she rode a skateboard. She didn’t care what anybody thought. She kissed Lexa with tongue. And when Clarke caught them in front of Lexa’s locker, Costia gave her the finger.

So Lexa started spending her Saturday mornings at the skate park watching Costia and she’d let her wear her helmet while they walked home. Except one day she got to the park and there was Clarke and Costia was kissing her with tongue too.

There was a buzzing in her ears then, even before she caught Clarke’s eye. The sun shone behind her, lighting her hair like it was gold. Her head tilted up into Costia and Lexa imagined, just for a second, that the hand on Clarke’s face was her own.

She ran all the way home. She knew she should feel angry or betrayed but her mind was full with Clarke’s half-lidded eyes when she’d pulled away, Clarke licking her lips, Clarke’s profile in the sun. Through the haze in her mind, she found herself placing a bag of popcorn in the microwave, then emptying it into a bowl and sitting in front of the television. She wasn't sure what was even playing, but she still sat there with one hand in the bowl, like nothing had happened.

Clarke sat down next to her and opened her mouth, but all Lexa heard was that buzzing sound. There was a fluttering in her stomach and it was nice but it was also scary. She sat there for hours and when she snapped out of her introspection Clarke was long gone.

That was when she started drawing flowers in the edges of her notebooks.

Of course Clarke didn't date Costia because she might be a beautiful angel dropped into Earth by a benevolent God but she was still Clarke and Lexa knew the whole thing had been nothing more than a transparent attempt to get back at her for that Valentine's day fiasco with Octavia's brother.

It actually worked out for the best because it had left her with the perfect excuse for breaking up all of Clarke's relationships. So she played the Costia card for a lot longer than she should have. But could you really blame her when it was the only card she had? Plus, she'd never broken up anything serious. She didn't think so anyway, Clarke was never more than annoyed at her stunts.

…

Finding out the girl you'd been pining for since puberty actually wanted you back seemed in theory like it would be an excellent ego boost. Yet here was Lexa, lying in bed at two in the morning, going through every single possible scenario for confessing her attraction to Clarke or leading Clarke to realize her own attraction or maybe just moving to another country where she wouldn't have to deal with what was, for all intents and purposes, the exact opposite of a problem.

She sighed and rolled over in bed, frustrated at her utter inability to put her precious information to good use. All she had to do was say something. She could just walk into Clarke's room and tell her or kiss her or something, anything, but she always froze.

She was preparing to roll over again when she heard the click of the front door. So Clarke was finally home from her night out. Lexa listened for her steps, which were a little heavy for someone with an interest in not waking up the rest of the house.

There was a knock at Lexa's door, followed by possibly the loudest whisper she'd ever heard.

“Lexa, are you up? Lexie?” Clarke drew out the last word, a nickname Lexa hadn't heard in years. It was the first time Clarke had used it without a mocking tone to her voice.

Something clinked against her door and she heard Clarke giggle “Oops. Hey Lexie, let me in, come on”

She was definitely drunk. Lexa jumped out of bed and ushered her in before she could wake Abby and Marcus with her antics. She had already taken off her shoes and was holding them in one hand, while the other cradled a bottle against her chest, but she dropped the footwear to give Lexa an awkward half-hug. Lexa was about to pull away and hopefully save the precarious bottle when Clarke started whispering in her ear.

“I'm so glad you're up, Lexie. My friends are boring and all partied out, but here I am still full of energy and... this” She pulled back and pointed out the bottle, the clear liquid inside sloshing. Then her eyes traveled across Lexa's face, with an intense focus that contrasted strangely with her foggy demeanor. She smiled innocently “Think you can help me?”

Lexa took the bottle and set it on her desk before it could come to its final demise on her carpet. Then she sat down with her back to the room and tried to focus on anything but the ghost of Clarke's breath on her neck. “You should go to bed, Clarke”

“Aww, no fun. Come on Lexa, party with me”

"It's two in the morning, you've partied enough”

Clarke's footsteps sounded closer and closer and then there were hands on the arms of her chair, spinning Lexa around. Clarke's face appeared and she was licking her lips. Lexa tried to look away, but she was too close.

“Let's have fun Lexie. What are you so afraid of?”

She was going to push her away, she really was, even though Clarke's voice was low and sultry and her tongue darting out was making Lexa's stomach drop in a very pleasant way. But then Clarke bent over just a little and all she could think about was her top and how it was very flattering on a cleavage that was already pretty fantastic by itself.

Lexa managed to gasp out a “Yes”, which didn't even answer Clarke's question really, but she must have understood the context because she smirked and then she was off Lexa and reaching for the bottle. She opened it and offered Lexa the first drink, suddenly looking a lot surer on her feet, and Lexa couldn't shake the feeling that she'd just been played a little bit.

…

It stopped tasting as bad about halfway through what was left in the bottle, although that might just be because her mouth was numb. She wondered vaguely if that was something to be worried about, but then she was distracted by the fact that she had a full house and Clarke had just put down a pair of sevens. She narrowed her eyes at the cards.

“A full house is better than a pair, right?” Clarke clamped a hand in front of her mouth to silence her laughter and nodded. Then Lexa showed her hand and Clarke took off her top. Lexa's eyes widened as it became increasingly difficult to look anywhere but directly at Clarke's cleavage, framed by a very interesting lacy thing.

“You're right, strip poker isn't that fun with just two people” Lexa dragged her eyes up to Clarke's face, not sure whether to hide or broadcast her dismay, but Clarke made no move to recover her clothing, which was a relief. “Just like spin the bottle, never have I ever, truth or dare... What can two people even do when they're drunk?”

Lexa could think of a few things. She grabbed the bottle and took a swig to keep her mouth from spilling all her great ideas. Then she handed it to Clarke and shrugged “I guess we could try truth or dare, it seems doable”

Clarke studied her with squinting eyes. Lexa assumed she wanted to look mistrustful but she just looked like she couldn't see very well. “How do I know you're not just trying to steal my secrets?”

“Maybe I already know all your secrets”

Clarke smirked and looked positively predatory “Oh, if you did...” She didn't finish, opting instead to raise her eyebrow. Lexa suddenly felt very hot. She touched her hands to her cheeks and sighed at the coolness.

“The alcohol dilates your blood vessels. It makes your face super hot. See, I know facts too” Clarke seemed proud of herself as she took a drink.

“Your face is super hot too” Lexa wasn't aware of what she'd said for a few seconds. Then she made the connection between Clarke's look of pleased shock and her own words and her eyes widened in horror “No, I meant, because it's red. It's really red. Your face. Truth or dare?”

Clarke giggled at the swift change of subject and then looked thoughtful. “Truth” Lexa found the playful glint in her eyes very distracting. She drank while she tried to find something to ask, but a different question arose when she felt the alcohol burning as it slid down her throat.

“Shouldn't we mix this with something? Like Coke or orange juice or... something?”

“Yes. But we're not going to. Now it's my turn” Clarke's face looked very smug and extremely kissable. Lexa plugged her mouth with more vodka to keep from doing something stupid. It vaguely occurred to her that something stupid was exactly what she had been meaning to do for days, but the thought was out of her head as quickly as it had come.

"Dare"

"Take off your shirt. I'm getting lonely here" She gestured to her naked torso as she spoke. Lexa unbuttoned her pajama top with trembling fingers and finally shrugged it off, feeling self-conscious.

“Oh, you wear a bra to bed? Lame”

Lexa had hoped for a better reaction but her disappointment played second fiddle to her outrage “I wouldn't have taken my shirt off if I didn't have a bra!”

“You'd have to, you picked dare”

Clarke really played to win. Lexa made a mental note to pick truth next time. She gave the bottle back to Clarke and picked up the cards that were spread between them on the bed, one by one.

“Truth or dare?” A six of hearts. Clarke leaned back, exposing the full length of her stomach. An eight of diamonds.

“Dare” A king of hearts. Clarke's stomach. Clarke's hair behind her shoulders, exposing her neck. Clarke's lips. A seven of spades. Lexa tried to think of something for Clarke to do beside shove her into a wall and put her hands everywhere. A seven of diamonds.

A two of diamonds. Clarke raised her eyebrows, looking impatient. “I dare you to...” A five of hearts. “Draw something. On me”

An ace of diamonds. Clarke looked disappointed, but she sat up and reached for a pen from Lexa's desk. Then she gently pushed Lexa until she was lying on her back and straddled her, hovering over her stomach. Lexa was having trouble breathing and it had nothing to do with Clarke's pressure on her body but it had everything do with Clarke _pressing_ on it.

The pen ran over her stomach and she looked up at the ceiling. Everything seemed to be spinning just a little, but not in a very pleasant way, mostly in a drunk way. She tried closing her eyes but it didn't help at all. She grasped for something to ground her and latched onto Clarke's left wrist, the one she was using to prop herself up. The pen halted for a second, then continued.

“Done” She looked down and a small bouquet of flowers was erupting from her navel. Clarke was already moving off of her and Lexa let go of her wrist reluctantly. She retrieved the forgotten vodka bottle and tried to drown whatever it was that was making her heart leap against her ribs. She drank and drank but it just wasn't stopping.

Clarke asked the usual question and Lexa tried not to focus on how low and throaty her voice sounded because she was starting to get a little worried about the heart condition. She reached for another card with shaky hands. A six of spades.

“Truth” A king of spades. Clarke studied her with dark eyes, A six of diamonds.

“Why did you agree to drink with me?” Lexa's hand froze on the three of clubs. She reached instead for the bottle, but Clarke had it and was drinking the last drops. She looked at the card in her hand. Through the haze of alcohol, she realized that this was it. Clarke was still impossibly close and her eyes darted across Lexa's face, resting periodically on her lips. She had to say something and from the look on Clarke's face almost anything would do. She just had to open her mouth and...

“I've had a crush on you for four years”

Clarke's eyes went wide and that was the last thing Lexa could remember.


	3. Some hermit who never goes out

Cold sheets. Light streaming in through half-open curtains. Something hammering behind Clarke’s eyes, keeping them firmly shut. She risked a peek at the outside world, which she quickly regretted. Before little stars covered her vision entirely, she managed to identify the room. Lexa’s room.

The last thing she could remember was coming home with a bottle of vodka and the worst plan she had ever hatched. Something about lowering Lexa’s walls by throwing alcohol at them and then having a long, hard chat about their feelings. Well not really, she mostly just wanted to get Lexa drunk so they could be drunk together because people make really fun decisions when they’re drunk together. But that version of events was a little creepy under the sobering light of day.

However she wanted to define her plan, it seemed to have worked. She was lying in Lexa’s bed, topless and tangled in the sheets. All that was missing was Lexa.

As if on cue, a groan sounded from the floor. So maybe it hadn’t worked. Clarke couldn’t bring herself to move quite yet, but she already knew what she’d see if she turned around. Instead she focused on a pinching sensation on her stomach. She felt around for the cause and her hand wrapped around an object that had somehow become lodged under her bra. Pulling it up to her face and squinting cautiously, she saw it was a playing card. A three of clubs.

Lexa groaned again and tried to get up, by the sound of it. The shuffling stopped almost as soon as it started and then there was Lexa’s voice.

“Owww…”

Clarke rose against the pounding in her head, because clearly Lexa was going to need some help not getting them in serious trouble. Her back was covered in cards, which she tried to rub off with her hand. She got a strange sense of déjà vu from holding them and suddenly she remembered the drunken game of strip poker. So that’s where her top had gone.

Lexa continued to make miserable sounds and Clarke got off the bed, holding a hand against the desk to stabilize herself. Then she reached for the trash can under it and helped Lexa lean on the rim. She vomited almost immediately and Clarke rubbed soothing circles on her back while pulling her hair off her face. Lexa’s voice was weak when she spoke.

“Why?”

“Forget the existentialism and get in the shower before my mom sees you. Do you remember where we left the bottle?” Or anything at all?

Lexa tried to shake her head but she stopped immediately and winced. “No, the last thing I remember is…” she stopped and her eyes opened fully for the first time since she’d woken up. Then she finished lamely. “is before that. I don’t remember falling asleep or anything”

It sounded like she remembered a lot more than Clarke, but she didn’t push it because honestly the girl was looking like she could pass out at any moment. “Okay, I’ll look around. Now go”

Lexa dragged herself into their shared bathroom and Clarke started rummaging through the room. All she wanted was to go back to bed, but she couldn’t risk leaving the bottle behind. Finally, she found it at the bottom of the closet, along with her missing top and a crumpled ball of paper with “SAFE” written on it in Lexa’s handwriting. It looked like a very drunk attempt at hiding the proof of the crime and it actually made Clarke laugh before she remembered that loud noises were a no-no until her head stopped hurting quite as much.

The bottle was safe enough that she could come back for it later, so she put away the cards before heading to her room. The water was still running in the bathroom when she stepped in to drop off Lexa's trash can. “Hey Lexa, I’m going back to bed. My own bed. Are you alright on your own?”

She responded with a groan, but it sounded like she was standing and conscious, which was good enough at this point.

“Okay then. You should go back to bed too. We can say you’re sick or something”

There was no reply, so Clarke opened the door on the other side and entered her own room. Her bed beckoned, but she waited by the door until she heard the water turn off to make sure Lexa didn’t fall asleep and drown or something. On any other occasion, she might feel tempted by the thought of Lexa in nothing but a towel, but right now everything felt too icky and bright and she smell of vomit was still fresh in her mind.

She changed into more comfortable sleeping clothes and crawled into her bed. It was still pretty early so she had a few hours of sleep to look forward to. Before that, however, she stared at the ceiling for a long time, going through the one thing she could remember from her night with Lexa.

She was holding some cards. Lexa said something hilarious, but she couldn't remember what. Then she was taking off her top and the way Lexa's eyes almost popped out of her head made her feel very optimistic about the outcome of the night. Still, she'd already lost 3 straight rounds and Lexa remained fully clothed, which was extremely frustrating and just not fair. They needed to switch things up.

No matter how hard she tried, nothing else came to her and she eventually gave up and fell into a dreamless sleep.

…

“My head hurts”

“That's from the hangover”

They were sitting on the couch, watching the quietest TV show they could find. Clarke wasn't sure it even qualified as a show, because it was just soothing music over a recording of the sea hitting the shore and it had been playing for over an hour.

“My back hurts”

“That's from sleeping on the floor”

It was a whole channel devoted to that kind of thing and Clarke had first heard about it from Jasper and Monty, because of course Tweedledum and Tweedledee were into this stuff. Not that she associated with them, of course. They were just the resident dealers and they had this annoying tendency to make chit-chat while conducting business.

“My stomach hurts”

“That's from throwing up”

Lexa had thrown up again, this time a grilled cheese that Clarke assured her she had to eat because greasy food helped but mostly because she needed to get her breath smelling of something other than vodka. And no, toothpaste wasn't enough.

“My head hurts”

“Okay, that's it, just come here”

Clarke patted her own shoulder for Lexa to rest her head and then started running her hand through her hair. Once she was sure she'd closed her eyes, she finally changed the channel to something a little less mind-numbingly dull.

Marcus and her mother had left once she'd managed to convince them that Lexa was just feeling a little under the weather, which was hard enough when all she did was shuffle around and moan like she was a zombie or something. This freed up her entire Sunday afternoon for getting Lexa to resemble a regular human being again.

“You're such a lightweight” Lexa grumbled against her shoulder and Clarke resisted the urge to laugh. “You should sleep or you'll never make it through dinner”

…

Lexa felt well enough to have dinner, thankfully, so they sat at the table and Clarke pushed her potatoes around the plate and watched Lexa for any sign of nausea. Her head rested on her hand and her elbow rested on the table, but Marcus wasn't making any comments about table manners, which was suspicious enough. But it was her mother twisting the napkin around her hands that really had Clarke worried.

“Mom? Is something wrong? You're really quiet”

Her head whipped up and she seemed about to avoid the subject but she must have thought better of it because she displayed a bright smile instead.

“Well, I actually have some news. Your grandmother is coming to visit” The tight way she said it meant it wasn't the nice Mrs. Kane with her book of recipes clipped from magazines and her cheeky smile whenever she told Lexa to wear shorter skirts.

And it wasn't that Nanna was necessarily a bad person. She was just really set in her ways and sometimes she got weirdly passive-aggressive. But she was nice, really. She was family.

She wasn't Marcus's family though, which explained his pained look when he took over “And your mother and I were thinking that maybe she should stay at a hotel this time. She's getting old and the pullout couch really isn't good for her back”

Clarke could have mentioned that she'd never complained about it, but Nanna staying at a hotel sounded like the best news she'd had all week, so she just nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it's probably for the best. Right, Lexa?”

“Hmm? Yes, sounds great”

Now that the cat was out of the bag, their parents might be quicker to notice Lexa sinking into the table, so Clarke stretched out and kicked her shin. She straightened up and shot her a glare. Seemed like the old Lexa she knew and tolerated was coming back. She couldn’t resist sticking out her tongue at her, which just made her scowl.

“Girls, behave” They looked at each other and answered Marcus’s reprimand in unison.

“She started it!”

…

The bell rang, pulling Clarke out of her half-awake reflection on the evils of 8 am classes. The board was covered in things that weren’t there the last time she’d looked and she casually considered writing them down before she settled for copying Octavia’s notes.

Octavia herself was standing by her side, bag already packed, but Clarke waved her away and pointed to the back of the room, where Lexa sat. She gave her a grimace and moved to wait in the hall.

Lexa looked up when Clarke stopped by her desk. Her notebook was still open in front of her, covered in flowers. She'd been doodling like that for as long as Clarke could remember. But there was something else Clarke remembered. Flowers crudely drawn on skin. Lexa's uneven breath filling her ears. Lexa calling out her name.

“Clarke?” Yeah, just like that. Well, maybe a little lower. More heated “Clarke!” No, that was even worse, Lexa's voice had been shaky and enticing and this was just... “Earth to Clarke!”

This was just Lexa trying to call her out of her trance. Right. Clarke snapped back to reality and bravely ignored the way her cheeks felt hot enough to fry an egg.

“I, uh... Octavia's driving me home after school. You can come if you want”

Lexa raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. “Well I'm glad she was so eager to invite me”

“Whatever, are you coming or not?”

“Like I have a choice”

“Why don't you take all that attitude with you on the school bus then?”

Lexa rolled her eyes and Clarke found it hard to believe that this was the same girl that had been panting under her just a few days earlier. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to slap that stupid scowl off her face or kiss it away. Still, she could spare her pride just this once.

“I'll tell her you're in. Don't keep us waiting”

…

Octavia's radio was blasting Taylor Swift. Clarke and Octavia sang along, bouncing on their seats. Lexa sat in the back with her usual scowl, but it was just for show because Clarke could see her foot tapping to the beat and Lexa knew it too. Her eyes even shot up longingly when Octavia turned down the volume. The forlorn look intensified when she started speaking.

“You'll never guess what Lincoln did the other day”

Clarke didn't even bother answering that.

“He took me to the football field in the middle of the night, I could barely see my hand in front of my face. Then all the lights went on and there was a huge heart drawn on the grass. Can you believe it? He remembered the anniversary of our first kiss!” Clarke tried to comment but Octavia wasn't done. “Anyway, if you mess with the grass I guess it screws up the game so the school had to cancel a couple of matches. If anyone finds out he did it he'll be in serious trouble. But that just makes it sexier”

Octavia interrupted her speech to huff indignantly at the rearview mirror. Clarke twisted back, expecting some sort of rude driver, but the road was clear. The only thing behind them was Lexa and her look of supreme disdain.

“Roll those eyes at me again and you can walk home, I don't care what Clarke says. And what's your problem with my boyfriend anyway?”

“No problem. I just don't see what's so sexy about damaging property”

“That's because you don't even know what sexy is. I mean, what's the last action you got? Prepubescent kisses with skater girl?”

Lexa sank in her seat and disdain turned to surliness. “Her name was Costia. And it wasn't prepubescent, I was 13”

“Whatever, it was still like half a decade ago. At least I have a boyfriend, instead of being some hermit who never goes out”

“As opposed to a hermit who goes out all the time? And it was four years ago, not five”

Clarke had been trying not to laugh at her best friend, because she was pretty sure it was poor form, but the scene skidded to a halt at Lexa's words. Four years. A crush. She remembered. And then she felt the urge to laugh again, because Octavia was completely off. And so was Lexa, which meant she didn't remember. Clarke wondered if she even remembered her confession. Then Octavia called Lexa a very bad word and she snapped back to reality.

“Octavia, back off”

“Are you kidding me? She just called my boyfriend a criminal!”

Of course she did. “Lexa, you back off too”

“I'll do whatever the hell I want, Clarke”

Octavia stopped the car, ready to jump into the backseat and pummel Lexa, but she didn't get the chance because Lexa was already slamming the door and walking away. They watched her for a few seconds before Octavia turned up the radio and drove off.

“I am never giving your sister a ride again. Ever”

“She's not my sister”

...

The situation was not ideal. Lexa had taken four years to make her move, and even then only because she was drunk, so the odds of her trying again were slim to none. This meant it was up to Clarke to charm her pants off. Literally, if she had anything to say about it.

Some might say that Lexa refusing to spend more than a few minutes alone with her made Clarke’s goal especially challenging. But Clarke was nothing if not resourceful and if Lexa was too embarrassed from their drunken night to give her an opening, then she would have to do what any sensible person would do.

Because Nanna might be difficult, but she was still family. And you didn’t let family sleep in some impersonal far off hotel when you had a perfectly good room available. Clarke’s room, to be more specific. Sure, there was the small detail that Clarke was already sleeping there, but that was easily fixed, because Lexa’s room had all that floor that nobody was using anyway.

Her mother offered some opposition, of course, something about how Clarke didn’t need to sacrifice herself like that. Marcus had his doubts as well. Even Lexa, though her complaints sputtered into nothing whenever Clarke smirked at her in that way that she usually reserved for the boys at school.

In the end, there was nothing anyone in the family could do because Clarke was dead-set on her generosity and Clarke Griffin did not back down.

…

Nanna was a joy as always. First she complained about the plane ride, then she insisted that it really didn't matter that they hadn't picked her up at the airport and she'd had to take a taxi. Abby tried to argue that she'd given them the wrong arrival time and they weren't expecting her for another five hours, but Nanna just waved dismissively and repeated that it didn't matter.

She walked into the living room and immediately spotted a dusty surface. It was the back of an armoire that nobody could move if their lives depended on it, but it just wouldn't do. So she abandoned her luggage, reached for some cloth and started wiping, all the while complaining about how the help took no pride in their work anymore.

Marcus looked lost, Abby was sighing and Lexa had already given up and dropped on the couch. Clarke reached for Nanna's bags to bring them upstairs, which finally caught her attention, and from that point on it only took her about an hour to settle into the room and unpack. Then another hour to dust every available surface.

Some part of Clarke regretted her decision as she watched her grandmother flit around the room, making some comment about the dresses in Clarke's wardrobe. But the rest of her was buzzing with anticipation, counting down the hours until she'd finally be alone with Lexa.

After that, there were two hours of dinner, about half of which didn't actually consist of any eating and was just a long and exhausting discussion about how her mother didn't cook often enough. And by that Nanna meant that she didn't cook every single meal. Like a good wife should. Marcus gently reminded her that they weren't married yet and the whole thing just went downhill from there.

Finally the table was cleared and they sat on the sofa watching the news. Abby nursed a glass of wine and a face like she'd sucked a lemon and Clarke almost felt bad for her. But then she looked at Lexa, beautiful Lexa who was tapping her foot so fast it made her whole leg bounce, sweet Lexa who stared in confusion and swallowed hard whenever their eyes met, and she couldn't find it in her heart to regret anything.

Marcus cleared his throat and mumbled something that was mostly unintelligible except for the word “bed”. Abby jumped on the opportunity and all but pushed Nanna up the stairs. Then she and Marcus said their goodnights and left as well. Lexa remained fixed on the television screen, currently showing an ad for detergent, and almost jumped when Clarke suggested going to bed.

She looked so scared, with wide eyes and lips pressed into a thin line, that Clarke couldn't help but reach out for her hand and squeeze it lightly. This made her release the breath she'd been holding and her shoulders slumped ever so slightly but Clarke could still feel her erratic pulse as she ran her thumb across Lexa's wrist.

Or maybe it was the beat of her own heart that she was feeling, because as soon as they touched she felt a jolt of something that hadn't been there when she'd been numbed by alcohol.

The urge to lean forward right then and there almost overtook her. But she shook her head and loosened her grip on Lexa's hand instead. Then she got up and started climbing the stairs. Behind her, she could hear Lexa take a deep breath and move to follow her.

Lexa locked herself in the bathroom as soon as they got to her room. Clarke sat on the bed, idly wondering when she'd give up and accept the reality that they were going to be alone together until morning. On the bedside table was Cyrano, old and battered, and Clarke picked it up with a sigh.

“You know, it's romantic. I get it. But it's just not practical, Lexa. Loving someone for 12 years and never saying anything”

Lexa was by the bathroom door, in her pajamas. She sat near Clarke on the bed and took the book from her hands, turning it around in her own. She smoothed down the cover lovingly before setting it down. Then she spoke in a voice so low Clarke wondered if she thought she wouldn't hear.

“I did”

“I know” Lexa's head whipped around to face Clarke, eyes wide in confusion. “I remembered. But I'm guessing-”

She was interrupted by Lexa's lips on hers, soft and warm and insistent, just like that night. But this time they weren't blurred by all the alcohol in her system. This time they were sharp in their urgency, just like Lexa's hands, already tugging at her hair, at her shirt, scraping at the back of her neck. The kiss had started out soft but now her teeth were pulling at Lexa's lower lip and her tongue was reaching out to soothe it, just as Lexa's hand reached under her top and flattened against her stomach.

Clarke jumped at the cold sensation and Lexa immediately pulled away. She just laughed and held Lexa's hand between her own, warming it. Then she kissed her again, more gently, bumping their foreheads together, before placing Lexa's hand back where it had been.

Before long, Lexa's shirt was unbuttoned, her eyes closed and her mouth hanging open. Lexa's hands raked down Clarke's back as she kissed her way down from Lexa's neck.

She didn't expect much sleep would be had that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind comments! I'm glad you're enjoying the story ^^


	4. The bee's fucking knees

Lexa had smoked pot once. She knew where Clarke kept it and one day she thought, what the hell. So she smoked pot.

She felt very light and giddy but mostly she just felt lost. Not the scary kind of lost, but the kind where she couldn't shake the nagging feeling that nothing in the world made much sense at all. Like volumes. Volumes were weird, because objects were just collections of atoms more or less loosely dispersed and even atoms were almost entirely made up of empty space. So when you measured volume you mostly just measured vacuum. And that made no sense.

Nothing really made sense about the transition from microscopic to macroscopic either. At which point did we stop seeing elementary particles and start getting textures and colors? And smells? How did smells even work?

Smells made particularly little sense.

That was when she noticed the sky was a wonderful shade of blue. Just like Clarke's eyes, although their wonderful shade of blue was entirely different. And then she started pondering how the pupil was just a hole. It looked like a black dot but it was a hole and that was also really weird.

After a while she became vaguely aware that she couldn't actually focus on a thought for more than a few moments. This hardly seemed fair because they were all such great thoughts and they deserved her undivided attention. And yet she couldn't help but push them all away and focus on how soft her cheeks felt.

This was the memory she recalled as Clarke palmed her breast. It wasn't a perfect comparison and it must be pretty cliche to compare sex to drugs, but the rapid-fire disconnected thoughts were the closest thing she could find to what was currently going on in her mind.

Not that she was thinking of volumes or smells or colors or anything that stretched beyond Clarke's hands and what they were doing. But she was finding so many different ways to think about that one subject and they all followed each other with dizzying speed.

Then Clarke's hand skirted the waistband of her pants, her fingers dipping under it, and everything funneled to a single thought, filling up the whole world behind her closed eyes. There. Right there. Clarke's other hand was still on her breast and on any other occasion it would have been pretty distracting, but at the moment it only added to the general feeling that her fingers just. Had to be. There.

She must have said it out loud, because Clarke smirked into their sloppy kiss and pushed her hand further down. Lexa's heart was beating out of her chest and it was mostly the feeling of everything that Clarke was touching and everything that she was yet to touch, but there was also a tiny twinge of fear because she had never been this far with anyone before. But Clarke hadn't either, right? Not with Lexa shooting all her relationships in the foot. That had been such a great idea. Lexa made a mental note to congratulate herself on that later, just as Clarke's fingers finally got _there_.

And Clarke had definitely done this before, because wow. Everything was tingling. Lexa's mouth wasn't responding at all, having apparently decided to hang open uselessly and push air in and out in little gasps and shudders, like some fish out of water. Clarke didn't seem to mind though, taking it as her cue to move to Lexa's neck. Such a good sport.

The fact that at least one person had slipped through her net and right into Clarke's bed was a vague source of annoyance but it was soon off her mind. Nothing could stay on her mind long when Clarke's fingers were sliding inside her and her thumb was rubbing circles with some sort of magical technique. On second thought, bless whichever girl had slept with Clarke and taught her that.

Clarke bit her ear and she couldn't even find the willpower to be ashamed at the high-pitched whine that escaped her mouth. Then she moved back to Lexa's neck, scraping and sucking and probably leaving the mother of all hickeys behind. Worth it.

Lexa wasn't even sure what she was doing with her own hands. It felt like a lot of desperate clenching and unclenching of Clarke's arms. Some scratching too, though she didn't seem to mind at all. Meanwhile, Clarke had kissed her way down to Lexa's breast and was running her tongue around her nipple.

Everything felt so good and so _much_. And everywhere. Clarke was everywhere. She opened her eyes and there she was, her face so close. She had to see those eyes. So she tugged until she looked up and oh those eyes, so beautiful and so dark and so beautiful and _fuck_.

She must have said something, because she felt the air leave her lungs and her lips move to shape it. And it might have been Clarke's name or maybe it was just “fuck” or something even less articulate. She didn't really care. Clarke didn't seem to care either, judging by her smug grin at Lexa's flushed face as she pulled her hand up to cup it.

She could feel the strength returning to her shaking limbs and she released her vice-like grip on Clarke's arms, letting her hands wander as they kissed. Clarke shivered at the touch and Lexa wasn't so scared. So she bit Clarke's lip and relished in her moan.

This might not be Clarke's first time but she'd be damned if she wasn't going to make it memorable.

…

Lexa woke up at the break of dawn. They'd forgotten to draw the curtains and now she squinted against the first rays of light. Her eyes dropped to the ground and there was Cyrano, pushed off the bed sometime last night. She briefly considered picking it up but that would involve leaving the warmth of the bed and Clarke's embrace. Instead, she curled back further into her arms and smiled at the sigh her movement elicited.

When her alarm rang, Clarke was already gone. The water in the bathroom was running so she walked downstairs and tried not to fall asleep over breakfast, nibbling on a piece of toast with a dreamy smile. She met Clarke on the stairs, hair wet and already dressed, but she just mumbled a “hey” and kept walking.

Her sunny disposition fizzled away. She knew it was an exaggerated reaction, that Clarke wasn't a morning person and even recognizing her existence at all at such an early hour required an effort. But still, more than a monosyllable would have been nice.

She tried not to think about it during her shower or the silent ride to school or when Clarke walked off to her class. And then second period rolled around and Clarke sat next to her in the back, leaving a confused Octavia to sit next to Fox.

Suddenly she felt like smiling again. God, she was acting like some lovesick teenager, overthinking everything as usual. Clarke was right there and she was smiling at her. She didn't look at all like she regretted their night together. Everything was fine.

…

Everything was not fine and Lexa was an idiot. Clarke was all right with conspiratorial smiles and playful winks and brushing hands in the dark, but when Octavia sat down with them at lunch and asked what was going on she just smirked, all mysterious, and denied all accusations. Lexa was her shameful little secret.

After school, Clarke kissed her as soon as she closed her bedroom door, like she'd been waiting all day to do it. Lexa felt weak for kissing her back, but eventually she managed to pull back and escape to the bathroom. She sat in there for a while, not sure what to do. The idea of talking about their feelings felt excruciating. If Clarke didn't want her, she wasn't about to beg for the attention either. But she was right outside the door, waiting for her, and Lexa was desperately working through her feelings, trying to calculate exactly how much she could give and get without breaking. If she could just have the time to think.

Clarke knocked on the door and asked if everything was alright. She sounded worried. Lexa's half formed thoughts escaped her and she sat on the bathroom floor studying the white tile with a blank mind. And “fuck it” seemed like a terrible mentality to have at this point, but it was the only one she could think of on such short notice, so she stepped into Clarke's room and retrieved the little bag from the false drawer on her desk.

Then she walked back into her own room and sped by Clarke. She tried to stop her but Lexa just brushed her hand off her shoulder and said something about going to the park. She said the same thing to Clarke's Nanna, who was sitting in front of the TV, and then she stepped out of the house and got on her bike.

…

She ended up in the skatepark, sitting on one of those big ramp things. There were only a couple of kids there and they seemed more interested in the half pipes anyway, so at least she had her peace and quiet. She hadn't actually brought anything like rolling paper or even a lighter, so instead she pondered her options regarding Clarke and gazed unseeing at the unopened bag of pot in her hands.

To an outsider, it might seem like she was just really sad at the bag. The thought made her laugh for a moment, then she put it back in her pocket and leaned back.

“Hey, are you ok?” The voice came from a girl standing next to the ramp. The sun was behind her, so Lexa couldn't really see her face, but she sounded amused.

“Yeah, I'm fine”

“It's just, you've been staring at your hands for a really long time. And then you started laughing, so I thought...” She trailed off and shrugged. Lexa really wished she could read her face, but all she could see was her profile. Still, she didn't look particularly uptight, so Lexa took a chance.

“Well, funny story. I took some pot from my... friend's stash. But I don't have anything to smoke it with. So I've just been looking at it. Trying to light it with my mind or something”

The girl laughed. “I’m guessing that didn’t work. Maybe I can help?”

She gestured to the stairs on the side of the ramp and Lexa nodded her assent, so she climbed up and sat by Lexa’s side, shrugging off her backpack in the process.

“I’m supposed to meet some friends, but they won’t be here for a while” She finished rummaging through her pack and produced all the paraphernalia Lexa lacked. “So let me see that bag”

Lexa handed the bag over and watched the girl silently as she pulled out some rolling paper.

“So why are you out here looking all thoughtful? Boy trouble?”

Lexa sighed. If only it were that simple. “I wish”

“Ahh, girl trouble.” She smiled at Lexa, rolling the joint between practiced fingers. She was fast. Lexa considered what to say while the girl licked it closed.

“It’s complicated”

“It always is” She reached for her lighter. “Want me to start it?”

Lexa shrugged. The girl seemed to sense her mood and didn’t ask any more questions, so they just smoked in silence for a while. This meant that Lexa’s thoughts were free to turn back to Clarke.

She’d known how she felt. Clearly their drunken adventures had come back to her eventually. So she knew that Lexa wasn’t just interested in some fling. She knew she had feelings. Or a crush, as Lexa had so embarrassingly put it.

So why did Clarke just sleep with her like that, without even a heads up that their relationship began and ended in Lexa’s room? In Lexa’s bed? Was she just being used? She found that hard to believe, but maybe she just wanted to convince herself that Clarke cared because she’d feel like even more of an ass if she didn’t.

Clarke was being selfish and confusing and Lexa didn’t like it at all. “She’s just so _ugh_ ”

The girl seemed almost startled at Lexa’s disgruntled voice suddenly cutting through the silence, but then she smiled “But at the same time she’s like _wow_ , right?”

Lexa looked down at her hands. Maybe it wasn’t that complicated. It just sucked. The girl looked at her expectantly, but when Lexa remained in silence she just blew out a cloud of smoke through her nose and passed Lexa the joint. Lexa was a little jealous, because she’d tried the nose thing and only managed to collapse into a coughing fit. She considered trying it again but she had already lost enough of her dignity as it was.

“It’s none of my business, but…” She waited for Lexa’s reaction before continuing. Lexa nodded “Nobody deserves someone kicking their heart around, you know? Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but trust me, even if this girl’s like… the bee’s fucking knees, you still deserve more than just whatever she feels like giving”

From a logical standpoint, it seemed like perfectly reasonable advice. From Lexa’s standpoint, it felt like telling someone on a rollercoaster there was no reason to be scared, which yes, but also good luck with that.

“How old are you anyway? Because you don’t look 70, but then the bee’s knees…” Lexa trailed off, laughing, and the girl elbowed her with a mumble that sounded like “fuck off” before joining in the laughter.

“No, but seriously, thanks for the advice, I’ll keep it in mind. I just have one more question. What if she’s, you know, hypothetically… The cat’s pajamas. Does it still apply or…”

“Yeah, very funny, keep deflecting with humor” She put out the stub and flicked it down the ramp. The sun was setting and as she ran a hand through her hair, Lexa found herself thinking back to Clarke all those years ago. She really was the bee’s knees. What was Lexa supposed to do?

When she turned around, the girl was packing her things and smiling apologetically. She pointed at a small group heading their way.

“My friends are here. I guess I’ll see you around”

She climbed down the ramp and she and her friends were gone in a couple of minutes. Lexa stayed behind a while longer and by the time she got home night had fallen and Marcus seemed ready to have strong words about not answering her phone. Thankfully, Nanna’s presence cut the sermon short and they had already moved on to Abby’s haircut by dinner time. Lexa wasn’t sure how, but that was topic enough for the entire 40 minutes of dinner.

She waited until everyone was settled down in front of the television, then she made her excuses and walked up to her room. Clarke was close behind her, as she’d expected, but this time the first thing she did after she’d closed the door was ask if Lexa was okay. There she was being sweet and throwing Lexa off again.

Lexa claimed to be tired and it wasn’t a total lie because they really hadn’t got much sleep the previous night, but that wasn’t a line of thought she wanted to pursue at the moment. Clarke looked disappointed but she nodded and wished Lexa a good night, then she headed back out. Lexa sighed and wondered how long she could keep that up. Maybe she should just talk to Clarke.

Or maybe Clarke should do the talking for once.

…

Lincoln really wasn’t that bad. His biggest flaw was dating Octavia, but aside from that he was always polite, self-possessed and quiet. Everything Lexa looked for in a person. They could probably be friends if it weren’t for that one unavoidable flaw.

Like right now. They were leaning against his car in silence, as they had been for the past 10 minutes. In the distance, Clarke and Octavia were having an animated discussion and writing a lot of things down, but back by the car there was only blissful silence.

“So, you’re hanging out with us now”

“I guess”

“Cool”

And just like that the silence was back. Lexa could really get used to this. She stretched and shifted her weight. A bird sang on a tree nearby and Lexa heard the flutter of wings.

“Octavia says you called me a criminal”

“I didn’t really mean that, I was just trying to piss her off”

“Oh, okay”

This boy truly had conversation down to a science. Quick and clean, no talking her ear off like Octavia. Really, his one flaw.

“What are they doing again?” Lincoln jerked his chin in Clarke’s direction, aiming his question.

“Planning prom, I think. They have to come up with a theme”

“I don't get it”

“Yeah, me neither. It's like, oh I'm dancing around in a fancy dress, this is the highlight of my high school experience”

“I just meant the theme”

“Oh, right. That's weird too”

“My senior prom was Under the sea. It still looked like a gym, only blue”

Lexa wasn't sure how to answer that. She'd never actually been to prom, so she couldn't share her own experience. Lincoln didn't seem to expect an answer either so she looked up instead, trying to find patterns in the clouds.

“Maybe we should go join them”

Lincoln detached himself from the side of his car and turned to Lexa, but his eyes sailed past her head and rested on something to her right. Then the something spoke up.

“Oh hey, Lincoln!” It was a girl, and not any girl either. “And my partner in crime. You guys know each other?”

“Yeah. Lexa has classes with my girlfriend”

The girl stopped dead in her tracks and turned to Lexa. Then her face lit up in recognition and she beamed at her. Lexa was only confused for a second, and then it was obvious who this was.

“Costia?”

“I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you”

“Well, it’s been years”

“Still, I’m so embarrassed” She threw her hands up and beamed again as another thought came to her head “And you know Lincoln! This is great”

“You know each other from college?”

“Yeah, he’s my Lit TA. Oh, speaking of college, there’s this party this weekend, you should totally come”

“I guess I could…”

“I’ll find you on facebook and we can talk about it, if you want. Lexa Kane, right?” Lexa nodded and Costia beamed again. “We’ll get your mind off your troubles. Anyway, I can’t actually stay and chat, so I’ll talk to you later”

She turned to Lincoln and they shared some complex handshake. Then she waved at Lexa and walked off. Lincoln fell back into silence and Lexa watched Costia walk away. She was still cool and she was still older and she seemed genuinely interested in getting back in touch.

She leaned back against the car and tried to catch Clarke’s eye, but she seemed far too interested in whatever Octavia was writing down. There was a lot of pointing and highlighting. Lincoln suggested joining them again and she shrugged, but she moved off the car anyway.

Maybe Costia was right. Maybe she should go to that party and get her mind off Clarke for at least an hour. Maybe Costia could help her with that.


	5. Her girlfriend

Clarke was not having a fun time. First she'd had to empty the dishwasher even though it was Lexa's turn because miss nose-in-a-book had decided to grow a social life overnight and was off god knows where.

Then she was just about ready to go out when she discovered that _someone_ had been in her secret drawer. So off she went on an emergency detour to Phineas and Ferb's funhouse, and while Octavia sat in the car she got to hear all the latest conspiracy theories about some cartoon with evil triangles and something called a grunkle. By the time she finally managed to escape that scintillating conversation with Jasper they were almost an hour late.

At the moment, they were dashing through rooms in search of Lincoln because the music was too loud for Octavia to hear Clarke's suggestion that they just text him and meet outside. They crossed yet another doorway into a mostly empty corridor, except for a couple of girls making out in the corner. It was pretty standard fare for a party like this but Octavia was rooted to the spot at the sight and Clarke just narrowly managed to avoid walking into her.

Before she could ask what was wrong, Octavia gasped out an “Oh my god” and Clarke was really confused at this point. She looked back at the girls but all she could see was hair and hands. Sure, one was wearing a snapback indoors and that was kind of douchey, but not really an overwhelming surprise. Then the one closest to Clarke moved slightly out of the way and hanging off her lips was Lexa, being sleazy as hell at some college party. With some other girl.

Octavia seemed to have recovered and was already tugging Clarke away, but she brushed her off and moved closer to the couple. She tried to pull the girl off Lexa and the middle finger that she got for her effort was pretty familiar.

“Oh for fuck's sake” Lexa jumped when she heard Clarke's voice. Then her face appeared from behind Costia, looking defiant, but it was Costia who spoke first.

“Hey Clarke, just like old times huh?” She didn't seem very interested in reminiscing though, judging by the way her hands were still all over Lexa. Clarke's own hands clenched into fists.

“Lexa, what are you doing?”

“Maybe you should let your sister make her own choices” Costia really needed to not be there anymore because everything she said and did was making Clarke's blood boil.

“She's not my sister!”

Lexa rolled her eyes, which did nothing to improve Clarke's disposition. She took a deep breath and reached for Lexa's arm. They needed to talk somewhere quiet, hopefully away from Costia and Octavia and this stupid party.

Lexa pulled away and Costia stepped between them. Knight in shining fucking armor.

“Look, dude-”

“I'm not a dude” Punching Costia was probably a bad idea, but the urge was definitely there. She tried again “Lexa, can we please talk? In private”

She looked away with a scowl, but she finally spoke “Sure, let's talk in private”

Octavia still stood a few feet away, too far to hear their voices over the music. Clarke told her to text when she found Lincoln, then stepped into the next room, weaving through the crowd after Lexa. Eventually they made it to the backyard and found a reasonably quiet spot. All three of them. Costia didn't seem interested in leaving anytime soon so it seemed they would be having this personal conversation with a third wheel. When she spoke, Clarke tried to adopt a more neutral tone, even though she mostly felt like breaking things.

“Why are you kissing Costia? Or anyone? I thought...” Okay, so apparently she also felt a little bit like crying. She stopped talking and clenched her jaw, blinking away tears before Lexa could notice. Probably angry tears.

“Oh, I'm sorry, were we exclusive? I must have missed it in the middle of that huge discussion we had about what exactly we were doing”

That was a fair point and it shut her up for a few moments because she felt like whatever she said would make her lose the upper hand. She wasn't sure she'd even had it in the first place, because the situation that she thought was her girlfriend kissing another girl was apparently her girlfriend not even knowing whether they were dating because she'd been too dense to consider that maybe Lexa and her weren't on the same page about the relationship.

Of course Lexa would be the romantic and not actually consider the situation they were in.

“Wait, Clarke's the girl?” It was the first time in probably her whole life that she was glad Costia was there. At least her pointless comments pulled the attention away from Clarke, currently opening and closing her mouth like a fish, unsure what to say “You're right, that is complicated”

“Yes, thank you” Clarke agreeing with Costia, who could have seen that coming? “So maybe I should have handled this differently, but what do you expect me to do now?”

“I don't know, tell someone? Anyone? I'm not saying come out to grandma homophobe. But make the slightest effort to look like you're _not_ completely embarrassed of being seen with me”

Embarrassed? Why would Clarke be embarrassed? Was that really what Lexa thought, that Clarke was just embarrassed?

“Oh man, I remember your grandma. She fucking sucks. Kept telling Lexa not to call me her girlfriend because people might get the wrong idea”

And there was Costia, back to interrupting important conversations in order to contribute absolutely nothing. Clarke sighed wearily and responded automatically.

“She's family”

“Not my family” Costia shrugged and Clarke wondered for a second just how much trouble she'd be in with Lexa if she did punch her. Costia must have sensed the mood because she straightened up and pointed in the vague direction of the house. “Anyway, maybe I should go? You guys seem like you can finish this on your own”

“No, I think we're done here” Lexa turned around and started to walk away, followed by Costia.

“Lexa, wait! I'm not embarrassed, I swear! But you're not seeing the whole picture, it's not that simple”

“It is that simple, because-”

Clarke cut her off, desperate to make her understand. “Ok, so what do I do? I walk up to Marcus, like hey, guess who's got two thumbs and is fucking your daughter under your own roof?” Clarke's little speech was increasing in volume and drawing attention from the people around them. They all seemed drunk and unfamiliar so Clarke wasn't too worried. Her priority was getting reality through Lexa's thick skull.

It seemed to be working, because Lexa was turning back around to face her. Only her eyes were lit with something that was definitely not understanding and regret at her hasty actions. More like affronted anger.

“Right, and what? Octavia's going to tell your mom? Does Fox suddenly frequent all the same social circles as Marcus, is that why you're so certain that word will get around to him?”

“It's not just Octavia, or Fox, or whomever. If I start dating you, officially, everyone is going to know”

Why couldn't Lexa see it? With every word out of Clarke's mouth, she just furrowed her brow and set her jaw. The crowd that had formed looked at Lexa expectantly and she didn't disappoint.

“You're doing it again. Acting like you're so perfect. And we both know you're wrong, because not everyone is going to know. Just everyone at school. That's what you're worried about. You spent years dragging me down to the bottom of the food chain and now you can't touch me, even though you're the most popular girl in there, because I'm social suicide.”

Lexa didn't seem so angry anymore. Her eyes were soft and sad and hurt. Clarke's own feelings pooled at the bottom of her stomach and turned to a dull weight. The tears threatened her eyes again and the worst part was that Lexa was right.

“That's who you are, you're the prom queen, that's your thing. And I guess I hoped you wouldn't be, because I'm a romantic, you know? That's my thing. But here we are”

She looked like she wanted to say something else but she shook her head instead. Costia tried to reach for her hand, or wrist, Clarke wasn't sure, but Lexa pulled away and stepped back inside the house by herself. Costia shrugged and watched her walk away before stepping inside as well.

Clarke's phone buzzed in her pocket. Octavia must have found Lincoln.

…

Nanna was going home, and not a moment too soon because things in Lexa's room had become intolerable. Clarke was pretty sure they hadn't exchanged more than a dozen words since the party, and every moment they were forced to spend together was tense and uncomfortable. Plus, her back was really starting to resent all those nights spent on the floor.

Clarke sat on her own bed for the first time in days and wished, although she wasn't sure for what. Did she wish that Lexa wasn't so completely out of her reach? Or that she was out of her reach in a more tangible way? Did she want some obstacle that she could point to with a clear conscience, some obstacle other than herself? Did she want to go back in time and stop herself, before the smiles and the shared lunches and the attempts at taking something from Lexa that she couldn't even keep?

Clarke felt too young. Clarke felt overwhelmed. Clarke felt lost. But mostly, Clarke felt like an asshole, because she still didn't regret a single thing she had done. And there was a part of her, a part that she tried to keep smothered, an impossibly selfish and childish part of her, that wished she and Lexa could carry on as they'd been. The most popular girl in school and her very secret girlfriend. No problem, no conflict, no compromise, just Clarke getting everything she wanted, the way she wanted it.

So she walked around feeling like an asshole and she still couldn't find it in herself to just throw it all to hell and follow her heart. Or maybe throw her heart to hell and follow her head. She remained in limbo and endlessly tried to find a way to have it all, even though she knew she couldn't, and all the time the choice haunted her.

Head or heart. More like prom queen or pariah. She knew which one Lexa would choose but it was easy to be a romantic when you had nothing to lose.

And of course time was running out because if she really did want to be prom queen she needed to start looking into the perfect prom king.

Finn was still on the table, with the dreamy eyes and the glossy hair. Really, his hair was shampoo ad perfect. She kept expecting dramatic slow-mo whenever he turned around. But she'd heard that he might have got back together with Reyes, so that was a no-go. Miller was another option, the boy was nothing if not handsome, and last time she'd checked he was still single. Yes, Miller was probably her best bet.

Thus Clarke spent day after day busying her mind with an endless stream of hypotheticals, until she found herself sitting next to Octavia in their little booth, selling prom tickets. With no final decision and no prom date.

The fateful day was approaching fast and every clock and calendar seemed to tease her with the endless passing of time. It had dawned on her that not choosing was its own choice, and possibly the worst of her alternatives. She even found herself envying Lexa and her peaceful suffering. At least she could nurse her broken heart at her own pace and never have to worry if she was making the wrong choice.

That was when the cycle completed and she fell back into feeling like an asshole. It was almost comforting, since being an asshole was the only constant in her life at this point.

The line in front of the booth seemed endless. Clarke sighed and Octavia looked about ready to slap her. She couldn't blame her, sighing and general moping around had been her go-to mood those past days and it got old fast.

Still, Clarke was surprised when Octavia did hit her. Not her face, just her arm, but it still hurt. She tried to express her shock but Octavia grabbed her head and turned it around while whispering “Miller”. And true to her word, there he was.

Clarke pulled out the ridiculous “Please wait” sign and hung it up, to the collective groans of everyone in line. Then she turned back to Octavia.

“Yes, I know who he is”

“Well what are you waiting for?”

Clarke hadn't shared her thoughts on the subject of prom dates with Octavia, but it seemed she'd been doing her own strategizing and reached the same conclusion. It was nice to know that at least Clarke could still pick the most useful date out of a crowd.

“I don't know what you mean”

“Yes, you do. Go out there and ask him to prom, what is wrong with you?”

“But... there's a line”

“I'll handle it, it's not like you're being that useful. You just sigh and look off into the distance”

Before Clarke could interject again. Octavia shoved two tickets in her hand and pushed her out of the booth, closing the door behind her. The whole thing was flimsy cardboard, so getting back inside wasn't really an issue, but people were staring already so she should just move.

She stepped in Miller's direction, tickets balled up in her hand. He glanced at her and smiled before turning back to his friends. She took another step. Everything inside her felt like lead and it wasn't the nerves, because her feelings for Miller were comparable to her feelings for brick walls. He was there and she recognized that he was there and that was about it. But still her feet felt heavier and heavier and she soon found herself moving in entirely the wrong direction, down a hallway and then another and another.

She leaned against a locker, idly wondering why her heart was beating so fast. Her foot wouldn't stop tapping and her palms were sweating all over the crumpled up tickets still in her hand. She got up and was on the move again before she even realized who she was following. But she rounded the corner and there she was.

“Lexa”

Her voice sounded too loud in the almost empty corridor and Lexa had no way to pretend she hadn't heard it, so she turned around with a tired look in her eyes. Clarke's body was back to feeling like lead, so she stood awkwardly, too far for a conversation that wasn't half-shouted.

“What?”

“I, uh... I have these...” She waved her hand, still balled into a fist, somehow expecting Lexa to understand what was inside.

Lexa didn't seem interested in asking questions, so she just looked at Clarke expectantly. She held a couple of books under her arm, but her left hand was free to pick at her right sleeve. For a moment, Clarke stood transfixed by the movement of Lexa's fingers. Then someone coughed nervously and she looked up to realize the corridor wasn't empty anymore. At the head of the crowd was Octavia, looking a lot less confused than Clarke had expected.

Lexa noticed the crowd as well and blushed. She shook her head and tried to walk away, but she brushed against Clarke in her escape and it seemed to lift all the weight from her body. Clarke's arm shot out but Lexa shrinked away from it. Before she could move again, Clarke took a deep breath and rushed her words out.

“Will you... Will you go to prom with me?”

The silence was sepulchral then. She heard someone drop a stack of books, which was honestly way too dramatic, and then she noticed it had been Lexa.

She opened her mouth and Clarke braced herself for the answer.

…

Something was buzzing by her side. It must be her alarm clock, except that didn't make sense because it didn't buzz, it made actual noise. A really annoying beeping noise. Clarke hated her alarm clock.

The buzzing continued and she considered reaching out and silencing whatever it was, but she was still hanging on to the last threads of her dream and she would much rather step back into that than get up and deal with life. Still, it showed no signs of stopping and slowly but surely she was pulled into full consciouness.

The first thing she noticed was that it was way too bright to go back to sleep. The second thing she noticed was that it was way too bright for her to still be in bed.

“Shit”

“I tried to get you up, but you mumbled something about fighting the stars and almost punched me in the face”

Monroe really was a sweetheart. Clarke opened her eyes and noticed she'd pulled the curtains wide open too, bless her soul. But this far into the semester she should already know that the only thing that got Clarke up before 10 was her alarm clock. And that infernal endless beeping. Speaking of which...

“What happened to my alarm?”

“You broke it last week. Are you sure you're awake? Maybe you should drink some coffee”

Ah, yes. That had not been Clarke's proudest moment. But could you really blame her? She had been up all night to finish a paper and as sunrise approached her brain became more and more consumed by redbull and panic. Just as she'd reached the zen state of being too far gone to care, there was the alarm clock to slap her in the face. So she slapped it back. Into the floor. And then she stepped on it a few times.

She got a B on the paper, so.

“No, I'm good, I remember now”

“Also, that's your phone ringing”

Well that explained that. She lunged for it clumsily and by some miracle actually grabbed it on her first try. The screen indicated one missed call and one text message, both from the same person.

_Bags are packed_

“What's wrong with your face? It looks like you're smiling, but you haven't had coffee yet, so it can't be that”

Oh sweet Monroe and her great sense of humor. Clarke's smile grew wider at the comment, but she tried to dial it down because her roommate was starting to look concerned.

“It's just a great day” Monroe's concern did not fade and in fact seemed to increase. “Oh, by the way, can you spend next week at your boyfriend's place? Lexa's coming to visit”

“Sure, but isn't she your step-sister? Why do you need the room to yourselves for the whole week?”

Clarke's mind flooded with images of her girlfriend, most prominently Lexa in her prom dress and then Lexa out of her prom dress. Then she smiled mischievously, already typing Lexa a reply.

“We're close”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's done! Sorry for the huge delay between updates, but I've been swamped with work. I've already started on another project, but it's probably going to take a while before I can post anything.


End file.
